In 4 years at Sears, I saw 3 incidents of people soiling themselves. 3 obvious incidents I should say. Two involved crap. So if you do the math, that's one person crapping themselves every other year.

Which given the volume of people we saw, wasn't actually too bad.

The first guy was the stuff of legends at the store. The old computer department was located downstairs. The customer bathrooms for that floor were located in the back of the bathroom. And they weren't clearly marked, so there was a steady stream of people coming in and asking for the bathrooms.

So one day, this guy comes in, and he's obviously in intestinal distress. He did the "where's the bathroom" bit, and as he took off for the bathroom, one of the computer salesman noticed diarrhea running down his leg.

I'll say that again, shit was running down his leg.

Once more, there was shit running down his leg.

I wasn't there for that. I was about 30 feet away selling TVs. But, when something like this happens, word spreads quick. And since they were the next department over, we always met inbetween the depts to hang out and chat.

So I hustled over. Naturally the conversation was focused on this guy. He hadn't come out of the bathroom thru our department. The only alternative would be for him to escape thru automotive. Nobody would run in to check on the guy for at least an hour tho. So we waited.

Eventually someone went in. Not sure exactly who it was, but that's unimportant. What was important was that this guy must have had an intestinal explosion.

Imagine one of those spray painter devices. Fill it with shit. Aim it at a toilet and go nuts. That's bout what you have. So we obviously had an intestinal explosion of a horrible magnitude. And then, because he did shit himself, he had to do something about his underwear. Why not just leave them on the sink? Which is what he did. And after all that, he must have had shit all over his hands. Rather than use the sink, and maintain some level of humanity, he decided to smear his hands all over the walls to get the shit off.

The only thing you can say to that is "wow". What else could you say? The guy shit himself.

Shitting at Sears was apparently a very sacred thing. I worked there years before I knew that there as a bathroom hidden in the automotive break room, which was really part of the stock room. It was like this little clean oasis in which you could go the bathroom in a sea of filth. It was just for employees. Customers could use the floor.

Which is exactly what one little boy did. He arrived, with his mother guiding him in. She was in the middle of asking the bathroom question when the boy decided he couldn't hold it in anymore. So he crapped. Right on the floor. The mom obviously thought this wasn't anything out of the ordinary, because she just laughed and said "oh look, you crapped on the floor", and walked off. If I could go back in time to that incident, I'd love to shout, "Hey lady, it's your kid's shit, why don't you clean it the fuck up?" Nobody else had the presence of mind to yell that, so she just left it and walked off.

Wow.