I hate burning bridges. I really try not to, it's just not a good thing to do.

And I've never had anything bad to say about a former boss. Sure, Kathy at Sears was as horrible a person to work for in retail as I'd ever met, and Chuck had all the decision making abilities of a brain damaged kitten, but they basically meant well. And professionally... everyone I've worked for at Bloomberg and the people I work for/with at my current company really know their stuff. And I sincerely mean that. You don't work for a company that rivals Reuters and Dow Jones (Bloomberg), or a company that handles more money than I can count (current employer) unless you know what you're doing. And you definitely don't manage people at those companies unless you've got a clue.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case with Hanish at Dimstar. Yes, names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Hanish, man, where do I start. I doubt you'll ever read this, and even if you did, you're really not smart enough to connect the dots. So you'll get nothing out of what I'm going to post below. Too bad. It's really cleansing for my soul, ya know?

Where did we go wrong Hanish? I'm not sure... It *probably* was that time where I went out with friends after work. And you called me a half dozen times at home. And begged everyone around for my cell phone number. And sent me multiple emails. And had our network administrator take the firewall down. So I could run some tests and pull your ass out of the fire. Only problem was, in those emails and phone messages, you never told me what database I was supposed to be testing. So when I did finally get your messages, at 10:30, and rushed back to work, arriving at 11:30, I had no clue which database to test.

But like a good worker, I tried my best to figure out which to test by going through your code. And your code sucks, but we'll get to that. But I did my best. And sent you a little email, where I very gently asked that next time you leave directions when you do something like this. I could have yelled, I could have cursed, but I did neither.

So imagine my surprise, Hanish, when I get in and see a message from you saying, in short, that there was no need for me to be upset because you had decided that I didn't need to come in after all. Uh, Hanish, I must have missed the part where you communicated that bit to me. Because I definitely wouldn't have hauled ass down from Edison had there been no reason to. So clearly you seem to lack some sort of understanding in how people react to being put out, trying to do a good thing, and then being told we're assholes for trying to do anything.

So the next day, when I've finally started testing the correct database (thanks for the lack of directions, again), you came over after an hour of testing to see how things were going. Which was progress, because the day before you came over once every 10 minutes. Even though I had told you the test takes 10 hours to run. Hanish, you can't will these kind of things to run faster, kay? And stopping by every 10 minutes doesn't make anyone happier. Especially when you whistle at people like they're some sort of dog to get their attention.

Anyhow, you stopped by for your hourly status check, and I told you that 4000 out of 40,000 records had been checked, roughly 10% of the database, and we'd be finished by 7 or 8pm. So I was kinda surprised when you turned around and told Mr. McBuck (our QA guy) that we were 25% done and would be finished by the afternoon. And he knew you were lying. I think that had you confused, cos... ya know, you've got the mental abilities of a retarted kitten... but I'm going to tell you how he knew. Okay? Ready? He sits right next to me and heard every word we said. Has that sunk in at all? He sits right next to me, heard me tell you what was going on, and then figured out that you were lying to him. It wasn't hard. What's amazing is that you thought you could get away with it. You moron.

Oh, and that time that one of our art people sent you a graphic, and you were supposed to put it up on a site, and you didn't? Wow, I guess I'll have to be more specific than that. Um, you said you never got the graphic because your email crashed just as you were receiving it. Remember that? Everyone knows that our email is stored on a central server, and that you were lying. Moron.

And, Hanish, remember how you told me it was unprofessional to email people on the team to ask about documents and deliverables? We all kinda figured out it was because they'd give you documents to give to me, and you never would. And when I'd ask about them, it would make you look bad. So rather than have you look bad, and rather than having you actually give me shit on time, you'd just let me work without documents. So imagine my anger the day you told me that I had ignored a IA document on error messages for an app, after you never told me the document was completed, and wouldn't let me email to ask about it! Quick clue, Hanish, I didn't sit there and refresh the documents directories for all of our projects every 10 minutes (which would be a job in itself really). When I get stuff to do, I actually work. You clueless twit.

And ya see, Hanish, I now know what went on. You'd go and talk to the VP and tell him how badly we (cos you did this to everyone on your team) were all screwing up. And since he was so out of touch, he'd believe you. And why not? And it's not like this was isolated to the examples I mentioned above. For every one of those I mentioned, there are a dozen more that I know about, and probably dozens more that I don't know about. It's amazing how you pulled this off. You're not bright, not in the traditional sense. I know you don't know anything about history, but Bismark used to be able to play the european powers against each other like nobody's business. But next to you, he looks like Gomer Pyle. But dude, a warning. There's noone there to take the blame now, so you better watch out. They're going to catch on real quick, see?

Anyhow, Hanish, the best time I ever had with you was the one on one session we had. You remember that at all? We sat and you talked for over 90 minutes about how you were "like a sun, with all of you (programmers) planets in orbit around me". Man, that was a laugh.

Oh yeah, you asked about your programming skills there too. Let's cover those, okay? First of all, when you went around on your second day saying things like "I thought all strings ended in carriage returns", you kinda set the bar kinda low. That's just too basic. It's like a mechanic saying something like, "So the gas pedal makes it stop?" It's just wrong. And you made yourself look like an idiot. And it didn't help that it took you a week to convert a site from ASP to JSP, a site that it took me exactly 2 hours to create. A site that did nothing more than capture email addresses and store feedback information. And dude, the only reason it took me 2 hours is because I had to do some HTML on it. What's your excuse? I never did answer you, despite all your pressure, but I will do so now. Hanish, your skills were awful. I'd say you must have been a great BS artist to get through the interview to get the job, but since I know who interviewed you, it was just dumb luck you got in the door.

But you made up for it all. Remember when you said to me, "I can read minds"? Remember how all I could say was "Really"? In my head, I was begging that you'd offer up an example. And you being the dumbass that you were, you just didn't know when to shut your mouth. And so you did. You told me that once you were on a conference call with Andrew and some accounts person. And you noticed that andrew kept shifting around and looked very uncomfortable. And you asked him if he had to go to the bathroom, and he did. This was your first example of "mind reading".

And then you told me that later in that meeting, Andrew kept looking at the clock. And it was after 5pm. And you said to Andrew, "You wish to go home". And Andrew replied that he did. This was your second example of "mind reading". You had a third, but it was just as silly, and I'm just not in the mood to type it out. But, dude, this isn't mind reading. This is "noticing the obvious". Maybe because you have so much trouble with the obvious you elevate this to some sort of mental magic, but it's really not.

So yeah, Hanish was the worst boss I ever had. I'm sure once Dimstar goes under, and it will in about a year or so, he'll be out terrorizing some other development group, since he'll have slightly over a year of "Development Managment" experience on his resume. If anyone ever reads this, and thinks they're stuck with my Hanish, drop me a line, I'd love to hear who's minds he's reading these days.

After a few weeks on the new job which I distinctly haven't mentioned here, I'm finally starting to settle in. To get my bearings and everything if you will.

It's always tough to start a new job after you're laid off. At least, that's what people tell me. I've been laid off before, but I was fortunate enough to go to a job where I knew people, and it really didn't feel like starting over. Unfortunately I stayed there longer than I should have, and didn't jump out when the company went into a long dive towards the ground, like a flak damaged B-17 over Berlin circa 1943.

It's sad to say, but I feel like I've learned almost as much in the last 2 weeks on the new job than I did in a year at the old one. It's nice to have a company that will actually go out and buy you the software you want and need, rather than having to steal it yourself. It's so nice to not have to troll deja to find serial numbers and cracks for the software you need to deliver a working product to your company's clients.

So the work is challenging, but I think I'm starting to get a grasp on things. They seem to be liking me as well, so that's all good. The only bad thing.... commuting.

I've never really had to drive more than 12 miles to a job. Hell, even college was under 10. So this concept of driving to the workplace is strange and frightening to me. Why would you leave the safety of having home close to you, not to mention a clean toilet? Because, yeah, when you have like hundreds of people sharing bathrooms, things get funky.

So, driving up is hell. I usually spend an hour on the drive up, and a little more on the drive home. I've gotten used to the whole concept of "talk radio", because most other radio sucks. Mike and "The Maddog" are somewhat amusing, but once the offseason hits, I can't imagine listening to them talk about the lesser sports (basketball or hockey) for an hour each nite. A move further north is probably going to be in order.

It's really too early to tell how things will work out, but I'm hopeful about work for the first time in years. It's hard to believe, but it does get better.