It's come to my attention that a few of you have some misconceptions that I need to set straight. I will now do so.

Lexus - Nobody, and I mean nobody gives freakin Lexuses (Lexui?) as presents. Showing people in impossibly big houses living out scenes of domestic bliss while receiving Lexuses (lexuxi?) as gifts just pisses everyone in the real world off. It makes us think that maybe, just maybe, class warfare isn't such a bad idea after all.

Dodge - I am one of those people who doesn't have a HEMI. According to your commericals, I should dream about a HEMI. I do not. I find it strangely satisifying that my car gets twice the mileage of a HEMI equipped beast and is faster than any HEMI equipped truck. New suggestion, change your slogan to "HEMI: Loved by people with small penises, lusted after by people with small penises who can't afford one".

Fox - I have no desire to see Paris Hilton in that hybrid farming/reality show that you geniuses have come up with. None. What I wouldn't mind seeing is the Paris Hilton video every week for half a season. That might get boring? No problem, got ya covered. Call the new show, "A B-List celebrity provides running commentary of the Paris Hilton sex video". Imagine the fun Michael Ian Black could have with the video. Mo Rocca! Roddy Piper. It's guaranteed to be funny.

CBS - Just call yourselves CSI:CBS and get it over with. I'm still waiting for CSI:NFL. Not to mention Late Night with CSI. I'm not as excited about the whole CSI thing as you feel I should be.

Miller - Cheers for using Devo's "Freedom of Choice" in one of your latest commericals. Jeers for brewing beer that tastes like water. Cheers for making it cheap. Two Cheers to one Jeer, not so bad. Not necessarily a misconception, but hey... my blog.

Microsoft - Should I really believe you're tapping my potential? Or should I believe you're tapping my potential to get locked into a shitty platform and churn out shitty code written by your crappy IDEs? Yeah, thought so.

Nissan - You know that Frontier commercial you have, with all the flashing lights and the R. Lee Ermey voiceover? Do you feel that this is somehow enticing to the normal car buying public? If so, see the Dodge comment about penises. You've created the perfect commercial to convince men with small penises to buy your truck. Congrats!